BITCH!

TW – refers to SA, contains bad language

“You Fucking Frigid Bitch!!!”

Words spat at me 43 years ago, almost to the day. A privileged man, not liking me saying “no, I’m not ready yet”. I had thought we were friends, I was wrong.

The shouting, the tearing of my clothes, the utter contempt as he pushed me out of his door at 2am in the morning.

At least he didn’t have a gun, so couldn’t shoot me in the face.

He went on to have a very successful life. Found himself at the top of his career, in the public eye. In a role, ironically, about the care of minors. I have no doubt, he barely remembers the night that I know changed me in ways, all these years later, I am only now acknowledging.

I didn’t fight back. I now hate people shouting in anger.

I didn’t tell anyone – society taught me then, as it still teaches us now, that I must’ve been at fault too. Victim blaming. Not believing the victim as prevalent now as it was then.

I was in no way shape or form, “asking for it”. No victim ever does.

Who would believe me, over someone from such a good background? Even now, Power, Name, Influence all still are given weight over a victim telling the truth.

I spent years questioning if I had somehow “asked for it”.

It has affected every relationship, friendship and workplace I’ve been in since.

Every woman I know, EVERY woman, has a story. Let THAT sink in.

Every woman has made choices to keep themselves safe, changed how they live to accommodate the violence and anger of men.

Every woman has had men show unwanted attention.

Every woman has a point where they are not believed.

Every woman has been sworn at.

Every woman has that old relation or friend of the family they learned to give a wide berth to.

Every woman has been touched without consent – consent that was never sought.

I am so tired.

Of the narrative “its not all men”. No but it IS all women.

“Locker room talk, boys will be boys, dress appropriately, live appropriately, don’t drink, don’t go out at night because it’s not safe….”

The onus is ALWAYS on women to be safe. How about the message go out to men to just keep themselves to themselves, keep their rage in check, seek MH solutions. MAN UP! And fucking take responsibility for themselves and the men around them

Teach boys to be good men. By example.

I am so tired.

Tired of being told it’s my fault for not wearing what I should

My fault for drinking

My fault for being somewhere I shouldn’t

My fault for not “giving out”.  “Not obeying”. “Not just doing what they want us to do.”

My fault for “being in the wrong place and the wrong time”

NONE of this is my fault, or the fault of Women.

ALL of this violence, SA, murder starts and ends with men.

Men need to show up. Stand up. And listen

We don’t need you to “Keep us safe”; “protect us”. Tell us how to live, what to wear, how to behave.

We need you to police yourselves.

“You fucking Bitch!”

Let that not be the last thing some of us ever hear.