bonds

I like to collect people. Throughout my life I’ve been lucky enough to have some amazing people come into my life. From school days to now in my late 50s, I have been very fortunate in the people who have tagged along for even part of my life’s journey

My oldest friend dates back over 50 years! We met as 7-year-olds, when a class trip (lol walked to in those days), ended in us being drenched in the rain and her coming back to mine to dry off… 50 years of laughter and Aroha. Shared experiences, 21sts, weddings, children; new homes, rugby, food, knitting, markets, dancing – so much dancing!!! We haven’t lived in the same town since we were 17; but somehow we have managed the unthinkable and stayed in touch. Every time we get together, its “comfy slippers” time, that cosiness that comes with familiarity and time. The conversation just gets picked up where we left off… She is the wisest woman I know. And always learn something new when we hang out.

I have some friends that I only occasionally see or chat to. But that same magic of connection happens. We do not need to be in daily contact to stay connected. We just carry a thread that winds us together through life

Other friendships have been shorter. Old school friends; work colleagues; parents I’ve met through my children. Each relationship had a time and place. I always feel a loss when our paths diverge again. But when I’m being pragmatic, rather than emotional, I understand how this stuff works. I thank the universe for that time we travelled together and the memories and life lessons I acquired…

Sadly, not all friendship endings are of the “drift apart” ilk. Recovery has given me the gift of walking away from relationships that are not healthy; and accepting those that ended acrimoniously, with peace. As I said I “collect” people, and I find it very hard to be the one that calls it quits; but sometimes it is just the healthy thing to do. And yes, sometimes there is an element of grief to be negotiated. But committing to living my healthiest life, has given me to tools to work through all of these issues. One day at a time. Lol

We live in a world increasingly connected. And possibly the only positive from the pandemic was the new online tools that kept us connected. Zoom; WhatsApp; Teams; Messenger etc all mean we are just a phone apart from each other

For me, it brought several strangers into my life. Some, for just a short time – the vagaries of algorithms and changes in social media meant a lot of people came my way in a very short space of time; and then, said algorithms and soc med changes drifted them away again… But some cemented. I ‘see’ most of them every week, in our little online Brady Bunch style screen boxes. Sharing our stories, laughing, occasionally crying. But always connecting.

And I’ve been lucky to break the online wall, and travel and meet some of these folk. When I did my first overseas trip, last January, my in-person friends asked me “was I concerned that I was meeting strangers?” But how are they strangers? We talk, a lot. We talk about the real stuff of life. Things I may never talk about with my in-person friends. They know more about me than even I possibly know about myself.

It was fine

Actually it was better than fine; it was bloody amazing! I remember that first breakfast; squashed around a small hotel table. That Saturday night dinner; that lunch in London… Familiar, dear faces – but now with legs lol.

The hugs were precious, the laughs guttural. The tears deep. It was just like catching up with old friends – comfy slippers, picking up that conversation where we had left it…

I was fortunate enough to go Stateside and meet 2 more. Again the comfy slippers; hugs, laughter and continuing the conversation. Connection does not need the physical – that just makes it deeper.

And there have been other meetings around the world, from people in the Recovery Posse, who met online. I feel there Is now a HUG being passed around the globe…

I have just come back from my second Ireland and the UK trip.

This time there was a richness I bathed in, I stayed longer, and visited people one on one. The generous gift of time my friends gave me was the highlight of the trip. I came home sated and enriched.

But restless….

I realise now, that due to the pandemic and things that happened during “the shit years”, where I actually live, I have few friends. And with being semi-retired and no longer tied to school life, am left wondering how to make those new connections.

I currently life geographically apart from many of my friends; and we won’t even talk about the various time zones I exist in now lol

But I am one to trust the universe.

Maybe, just for now, I commit to travel, when I can (shortly heading South to visit my fabby friends in Christchurch); utilise all this lovely technology we have out our finger tips; write some more letters and just rejoice in how lucky I am; and how blessed my life is, with these precious peeps who are currently travelling with me…

Waiho I te toipoto

Kaua I te toiroa

Let us keep close

Together, not far apart