blurred age lines

The great thing about getting older

 is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been”

-Madeleine L’Engle

I recently heard a quote that, as we age, we should make more friends who are younger than us, because as we age, our peers start passing away – and we don’t want to be left alone.

It made me think. I had already been playing with a blog about the blurring of the ages and the smudging of generation gaps.

I’ve always been lucky. I’ve found friends in the generation above me, the one I am in, and the one coming behind me. When I was working, I had friends almost 20 years older, and 20 years younger than me.  Finding common ground with all of them

I have had friends, who I shared with my mother, people with a few decades on me, who had grown up in a completely different world. And through my kids, I have friends who are definitely growing up in times different to my childhood. I have found wisdom in both. Wisdom does come with age – but not always; and I have found that the outlook our young have sometimes shows wisdom beyond their years.

I have found wisdom comes from life experience. Even a small tot, can share what they have learned. And it may be something that I didn’t know.

Young people and young adults have had to learn how to live without some of the benefits and safeguards that I did. I am part of the generation that has benefited most from socialism. I am the cradle to the grave generation – unlike the one that came before me; or, sadly, the one coming next. I can learn thriftiness and life economy lessons from both of them. My mother could feed a crowd on a handful of things; the next generation are doing it too – tho with perhaps, slightly more exotic ingredients lol.

With child rearing, each generation builds on the knowledge from before, with the advances of today. I was at a baby shower recently. With (potentially) 4 generations. I was intrigued at some of the presents. Some things have come back into fashion; but there are some new ideas out there – as there should be. Our lives are not static. We no longer need to boil nappies in the copper. But the gift of something handmade, made with aroha, never goes out of fashion. Trying to explain some of the new-fangled stuff to my mother – the oldest generation there – stumped even me, the not so oldest generation. Time saving and more inclusive gifts make sense now – the next generation are time poor; and dads are more hands on; families are no longer nuclear but spread through to include important friends – as our definition of family changes. There was much wisdom to be had in that room. And when talking to the next generation, I cannot presume to have all the baby care answers – I can only share what worked for me; and what didn’t.

I live with a lot of the next generation. As I listen to their conversations, their hopes and their dreams. It makes me painfully aware that the old way of doing things was not necessarily the best. My mother grew up in the time that adults worked out what was best for you. That societies were built on a set of arbitrary rules that you were expected to obey. To fit in. History is a great teacher. Some of those societal rules have proved to be detrimental and allowed the most appalling things to happen. Institutions have pegged their survival on secrecy and hiding, not looking after the most vulnerable in their care. We must learn from these – or as a society we cannot truly grow.

Hopefully we are moving away from the times when we listened to what the old grey haired men thought we should do, and how we should live. (I know this is not necessarily a sentiment carried by all of my peers lol)

To evolve, we must listen to the needs of our young. They will inherit what we leave behind. It makes sense to mould it to their needs and those that follow them. Our times are coming to a close – their’s are just beginning. I love the thought that we are merely renting our time on this planet. We should be leaving it better than when we arrived.

I find different energies in the old and the young. I find patience, compassion, a life lived slower but richer for it in my older friends. Passing the time with hobbies and interests, accepting life is slower. When I hang out in their space I learn to slow down and have some patience. They move in their own time; reminisce and remember at their speed. They mostly have it all behind them and in the sharing of their history, I learn to add to my own. Oral story telling being one of human’s greatest links,

My younger friends have an exciting energy. Everything is still possible. Their bodies not yet hampered by injury and wear. So many adventures still to be had. Their lives brim with possibility. Voraciously living! It is not difficult to absorb some of that energy, to put an extra spring in your step. Their histories lie ahead of them. I take much joy in listening to them, and some comfort in knowing that I will, long after I’ve gone, live in their tales…

As an Inbetweener, I find I am a conduit for wisdom between the 2 generations. Passing down what I have learned, and explaining back up things that are seemingly incomprehensible to the generation behind me. My mother often shakes her head – both in despair, but also in wonder. Technology is simply ‘magic’ to her. She absolutely loves that I have the answer to almost any question at my fingertips – usually “who was that actor, and what 1970s programme where they were from” Lol. but she loves how I can plan our trips together, in real time, as we sit on the couch together.

I find I am blessed to have friends of all ages. They enrich my life. They fill my cup. I learn so much from all the ages. As I move towards my quieter years, I know that the road has been paved before me, but that it is my responsibility to make sure that the signposts I leave show those coming next the way.

So while it is important to make young friends, so we are not the last one left; I think it is way more important to make intergenerational friends – they so feed our souls

Whakatipuranga

Māku te ra e tō ana:

Kei a koe te urunga ake o te rā

Succession

Let mine be the setting sun:

Yours is the dawning of a new day