accept

God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

About 4 years ago, I attended one of my first online meetings to support a friend who was sharing. I was just a support person, because I didn’t need meetings, lol. At the end, the host turned to me and invited me to lead the group in the above prayer, because he “wanted to hear it in my accent”. Being the only person from Aotearoa, New Zealand in the group, apparently my accent was different, who knew 😊

I started to recite it, but nerves got the better of me and I couldn’t remember the words. Very annoying! I had known of this prayer and had used it since the 70s. It was one of the most common inspirational posters I had seen as a young person. But on that day I had to scramble!

I hadn’t known then, as a teenager, that it was the mainstay of AA, and now of people in recovery. It has become a thing I say/plead/smile/or mutter under my breath when I encounter things on a daily basis that cause me to pause and consider my response – “GOD! grant me the serenity….”

The word that I reach for most these days, though, is Accept. If I can find a way to accept a situation I have no control over, I find peace.

Be it a circumstance, event, emotion or a person and their actions, if I can get over my need to please myself, then I can find a way to accept it. It doesn’t come easy, and it is definitely hard work sometimes. I have a base need to control everything. Which is common amongst those of us who have chosen recovery. But by giving away the need for the world to always meet MY expectations, then I mysteriously find serenity. And it is serenity I crave more than anything else.

In recent weeks I have found myself frustrated by the lingering aftereffects of my illness. Mentally it has been more mind bending than the actual illness and stay in hospital – that was a walk in the park in comparison.

But being physically debilitated and not being able to move as much as I used to; plus some ongoing niggles has just frustrated me. I have struggled to find acceptance, preferring to wallow a little in self-pity – it feels like just more crap to wade through…. But I give myself grace too. I know it will come, when I am ready. And given the last few months, frustration and some sadness are to be expected. I just need to remember to keep it in the day, and tomorrow will be different.

Ironically, it was while I was sick, I found acceptance in some things that have troubled me for years, if not decades. Suddenly the simplicity of accepting these things were what they were, just brought me to that Accept point. And for that I am truly grateful.

It has been an absolute joy to be able to get in the car and drive in the last couple of weeks. And over the weekend I went on my old familiar road trip to Christchurch to visit my friends. I devoured the kilometres, music loud, old favourite scenic spots visited. I felt more Me, than I have in weeks…

I find a form of acceptance when I give others grace. When my kids were small and they used to come to me, full of woe, because some person had been mean or let them down I would generally reply with “the only person’s behaviour you can change is your own”. Teaching them that people will be people, and we choose how to react and how to have them in our lives. As an adult I find I have to use the same philosophy. If someone hurts or annoys me, I have to look to how I choose to react. The peace I find from accepting they are who they are, and how they have come to be that way, is life changing. I can still feel all those emotions of hurt frustration, anger or sadness. We cannot change how we feel. But we can then choose how to act. We all feel anger, but we don’t need to lash out. We all feel sadness, but we don’t need to bottle it up or throw it all out there. We all feel disappointment, but we don’t need to belittle, we can choose to offer to reconcile or help.

I am by no means perfect in any of this. Yesterday, I was ragey and sad. Today, with the help of words of wisdom from friends, I know that this too will pass. Who knows what tomorrow or next week or next month will bring?

Today I choose to accept my limitations and will find a purpose for my day.

whakaaetanga

I orea te tuatara ka patu ki waho

Acceptance

A problem is solved by continuing to find solutions