judge

While I have been having couch days to rest, and recuperate, I have been watching a LOT of real-life crime docos. I know that they are a popular genre, I find them quite distracting and addictive

But I find myself torn between horror, fear, frustration and sometimes judgement

Is judgement a natural reaction? Are we hardwired to see another’s choices and immediately make a value judgement? Or is that just social conditioning?

I do know, and understand, that my very safe and comfortable upbringing and life, mean I cannot imagine what growing up poor, abused, in the darker corners of the world must do to a person. My default reaction to situations is mine; and cannot be exactly the same as theirs. But I can work on my empathy, so that my judgment is tempered

I think that humans are hardwired to judge. To form an opinion or conclusion, based on the evidence as we experience it. There is probably some evolutionary reason for this. Maybe, in prehistoric times, we depended on our initial reactions to a person for our survival.

We see, we instantly analyse and then we react.

But we don’t live in prehistoric times. We live in a more civilised world. Theoretically lol, but that sense of self preservation is instilled in us

But what of social conditioning? How are our reactions and judgements coloured by how we are trained to view the world? We live in times of huge social change. All the old norms are seemingly being reviewed, redrafted and altered. And depending on where you sit, this is either exhilarating or horrifying. I am, unashamedly woke. I believe we are all equal no matter race colour gender sexual orientation or place in society. That makes everything easier for me. I meet people at face value – or so I hope. But, when watching these real-life crime stories, I find fleeting thoughts of “well that was a stupid choice”, or “how gullible are you?”. Fleeting, because they are no sooner thought, then I pull myself back into line.

The truth is. None of us tread the identical path. We may follow similar lines, live in similar tribes. Even live parallel lives. But all the nuances and endless permutations, mean that none of us are identical.

I cannot envisage how life would have been like living as a peasant in Tudor England; or in the projects in NY in the 1990s. those people’s lives would be coloured by all their experiences, and so their decision making would be mapped out so very differently to mine. I cannot imagine their desperation, their feelings or inadequacy, or helplessness, or anger or fear. Those things that shaped them and subsequently shaped their decision making

I cannot imagine how non-white people view this white culture that they are required to live within.

I cannot imagine how weird it must be to be trans, or neurodivergent; or ADHD, or wheel chairbound; or deaf; or living on the breadline; or not having access to the educational opportunities others take for granted; or not being able to meet our true potential, because life sucks; or…. The permutations are endless. I cannot imagine what life is like to be not a version of Me.

But I can temper how I judge all those that I see; whose lives do not resemble mine. I can pause, appreciate our differences; and then I can accept.

I don’t know if judgement is social or embedded in me. But I can Choose how I respond with that judgment. I can choose to be kind. I can choose to be empathetic. I can choose to be the better person.

I can welcome

I can learn

And that may be enough

He taonga rongonui te aroha ki te tangata

Goodwill towards others is a precious treasure