Tales from the Road – #3 Testicles

This summer I embarked on a 2 week solo roadie around the East Coast of our North Island. In normal times, this would be an absolute indulgence; but this year even more so. I am very aware of how privileged I am to be able to do this. And I’m trying to fill and appreciate every moment

I also decided to take this opportunity to challenge myself writing wise… and so decided to “freelance” my blog…. Am asking for suggestions for blog topics,  and then giving myself 36 hours to write and publish the blog.

So here we go….

A rather tongue in cheek suggestion for my 3rd blog… but I did say I was open to every suggestion..


“Seed is not just the source of life. It is the very foundation of our being.”

— Vandana Shiva

I have often light heartedly said, that reproduction is proof that God must be male; a woman would make the whole process more efficient, and tidier.. 😉

We would also make the carrier of the male part of the “Seed of Life” be accommodated in something sturdier and better protected than the testicle. It seems to me; they are not designed for purpose. The only thing going for them, is they hang loosely on the outside of the body, thereby ensuring they are cooler than your core body temp.. which is apparently what sperm need to survive (again, why would you design the seeds of life to require a lower body temperature??)

The whole reproduction thing seems very hit and miss to me. Having run the utmost gauntlet of all things reproduction over a decade or so, there is not much I don’t know about sperm, their production, their motility and their longevity (Here’s a hint – never store a sperm sample jar in your pocket on the way to the clinic – its too warm for them… ). And seemingly this very important part of our continued existence as a species is stored; loosely; in a sac; hanging where damage is likely if not inevitable…  

And talking of which, men are well known for being, less careful(?) with their health. Here’s the thing guys, its ok to check that all is well around your bits. And just like us ladies need to keep an eye on our boobs with regular checks and mammograms; you should get in the habit of giving them a monthly wee check; after a shower when everything is relaxed; just give them a gentle roll around. Don’t be shy; god knows most of you seem to fiddle with them  lot anyway. And if you find anything that seems a bit odd – Go get it checked…. Chances are it will be  nothing; but even a something is best caught early.

And day to day? Keep ‘em clean; wear loose underwear, boxers are way better than Tighty Whiteys – let The Boys breathe; and when playing sport – wear protection.. Simple really..

I’m often amused that a person with courage is said to “Have Balls!” Given how vulnerable they really are, it’s an odd comparison to make. Pretty sure there are other body parts a lot braver..



If you call them balls, bits, danglers, bollox; the family jewels; marbles; deez nuts; (meat and) 2 vege; nads, acorns, cojones; gonads; kiwis (really?); plums, yam sacks; cherries; brass clankers; swamp nuts or knackers…

Look after them.

Do not send their selfies unsolicited to others.

And remember how important they are to you; and the ongoing generations….

Y’all can stop squirming and blushing now….. 😉

E iti noa ana.

Nā te aroha

Although it is small,

It is given with love.

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