lines

The world is full of one liners.

Quips that sum up life and people.

Hallmark moments

And of course the recovery world is no different. And love them, or hate them; these generalisations often have a truth at their core – and that’s why they persist.

Often we use a well worn one liner to comfort and encourage; and sometimes that works and sometimes it just inflames the situation – depending on where the intended recipient is sitting, at that point…

I’ve heard so many in the last 4 years. Some have given me hope, some have just seemed to pour acid on a wound. As I get further along this life; I now endeavour to give the other person grace; and understand where they are coming from.

It might be a quote that is embedded in their life, which gives them real comfort. They may not be a person of long words; the well-worn tidings, may be all they have. So I try to accept it, not just on face value; but with the generosity with which its given. I don’t see these familiar quotes as tokenism; but as a gift of comfort given by someone who cares enough to reach out

#ODDAT

“This too shall pass”

“The universe will provide”

“When the time is right..”

“Progress, not perfection”

“Pray”

“Go to a meeting”… etc…

All actually say “I’m sorry you are in this space, I hope it gets better; I hear you”

I have built my own collection of lines that I have learned that work for me.

2 of the most powerful; the ones that can still me are:

“Chop wood; carry water”

Wu Wei “Do No Thing”

The first from a Buddhist quote “Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water; After enlightenment, chop wood carry water”. Means there are things we need to do in our physical world – to keep ourselves sustained; chopping wood keeps us warm; carrying water keeps us alive. The seemingly boring and mundane task we do every day need to be done, no matter what else is going on. Enlightenment is the goal of Buddhist life. Once we become completely enlightened we can move on to our next life. And as we heal our own suffering and move forwards, we help heal the world. But even after that, the seemingly mundane tasks we have to do, are still necessary..

In this modern world we live in, I interpret that to mean that if something arises that throws me off; if I keep doing the mundane tasks, the rest will eventually become clear. It is akin to the “do 1 Thing” philosophy I have. They both keep me from being mired in my mind.

If I cannot find an answer straight away, then I know if I keep “chopping wood, carrying water”, then I will eventually find the answer. In the meantime, the almost meditative qualities, of folding laundry; chopping vegetables for dinner or even making the bed, holds me to reality and gives my poor brain some rest.

Wu Wei – Do No Thing

This is the antithesis of do nothing. in Chinese culture, it is the noblest action and at the heart of Taoism.

To do nothing is like giving in; when I am very low, I do nothing. Time spent mooching, achieving nothing. Getting more anxious by the piling up of things that need to be done.

Do No Thing, however, is an active choice. It means pause, wait, assess things, and then wait. Instead of my knee jerk reaction to a situation, which is possibly the very worst thing to do; doing No Thing is accepting that I need to wait, and hopefully work out the best thing to do.

It stops the sometimes, immediate “burn it all down” reaction. The fired off pissy email or soc med response. The unwarranted angry phone call. The ‘delete all contact’. By choosing to Do No Thing; I allow myself time to work out the Best Thing. It gives me and possibly the other person to reevaluate what happened and what is the next thing to do. We seldom make good choices in the heat of the moment. Words and actions are exchanged, that there may be no coming back from. We burn bridges that we may need in the future.

In recent weeks, things have been said and done that have floored me. Old me would have either lashed out, or retreated within myself. Blaming myself for others’ choices. But I just paused. By doing the things I have learned – talking to my support crew (never ever underestimate the power of speaking your truth out loud. Even that 1 small thing made me feel less alone). Taking time out, sitting by the sea and a river… I still don’t have an answer; but for now, I feel ok.

I know that many in my group love these 2 lines. That whole mind set; to pause; wait; keep busy with the minutiae of life until it gets better, has gotten a lot of us through to the other side..

So just for today

I choose to Chop Wood and Carry Water

Do No Thing…

Until the Next Best Thing appears to me…

AROHA

Mā te ngākau aroha koe ārahi

Love

Let a loving heart guide your decisions