universe

“And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should”

– Max Ehrmann

I first came across the poem, The Desiderata, as a young person, in the 70s. It was on a poster on the back of the toilet door, of my friend’s hippy parent’s house. I suspect that there’s where a lot of us first found it. Lol.

I have always remembered the opening line – “Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.” But it has only been in recent years that I have really studied the rest of the poem. It is a blueprint to live a life of peace. Remarkably, written almost 100 years ago, in 1927.

It teaches us to, amongst other things “be on good terms with all persons..” To “Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.”  And to “Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.”

But for me, the line that resonates all the time, is “the universe is unfolding as it should”. This always reminds me to let go of the steering wheel, and to accept that no matter what I want, I am not always the best person to make those decisions.

It encourages me to trust the process. To understand that I don’t know what is around the corner; that I am not psychic, that sometimes I need to let go and just believe things will turn out. Maybe not as I would like them to turn out, but that there will be a conclusion or a solution.

In the last year or so, I have tried to pull back from interfering in my life, and that of others, and I have been rewarded by small miracles. I have been rewarded in ways I could not have imagined, back in the days when I was trying to direct everything and everybody. I cannot write everyone’s scripts or choreograph all their moves. When I accept that, then I find the Universe provides the answers to what I seek.

It is a simpler way of living. I don’t have to attend every social media scrap I’m invited to. I don’t have to monitor how others are living. I don’t need to anticipate every eventuality (this I struggle with, my 3am brain is very active in this realm – but baby steps lol)

If I step back, keep “chopping wood and carrying water”; if I keep doing the many small things every day that keep me well; then somehow it all works out. The HP, I put my faith in is keeping me close. She gives me what I need if I don’t go searching for it. I know many people struggle with religion and the traditional versions of god. But mine is more ephemerous, not tied to religion, or convention – more spiritual.

When I am troubled, and not sleeping, when I feel “crispy” (a term kindly loaned to me by a friend Lol), when I’m irrationally irritable, and nothing is comfortable; when I’m inexplicably sad; I have to back myself up, take time out and often go and touch nature. I know I now have the tools to deal with the “Crispy days”. Rest, healthy food, nature, fresh air, running water, meditation. Things that bring me back to calm.

During these times, I bring myself back to the mundane. Stop planning, stop seeking. Start “chopping wood and carrying water”; I pay bills, take a long shower; fold the laundry; sort that pile of stuff to do that somehow never quite disappears. Give myself a hair treatment; write; clean out a drawer or a cupboard. Sit under tall trees. It might just be distracting my mind, or it might be in just doing something achievable, I am quietening a portion of my thoughts. And then, inevitably, the Universe shows me something I had thought I couldn’t find.

I think my whanau may be sick of the quote “The Universe will provide” by now. But I find it reinforces my belief that it does.

I have never subscribed to “everything happens for a reason”. That trite line, that People say to comfort us when the shit hits the fan. Because there can be no reason for some of these things. Sudden passings. Accidents, the loss of a much-wanted child. Rape, violence, disaster. No sane reason exists for these things. But I do believe we can grow from these awful events. It is how we are left, and how we survive, what hidden depths we uncover in ourselves, that, for me, are the Universe providing. We will never be the same person after these things have happened. But we can grow to be the best version of ourselves afterwards.

I love everything in this poem.

I love the rhythm

I love the imagery

I love the people it reminds me of

And I love the simpleness of it.

Mostly I love that it has always been there, this blueprint for life. Especially now, when life feels so incredibly complicated and threatening. I have to trust the Universe is unfolding as it should…