mahi

A blog started while I was away, that paused for travel and jet lag lol

My trip away has been somewhat bittersweet. I am lucky that this is my 3^rd trip to The British Isles in as many years. No mean feat for someone from Aotearoa. Our isolation and distance means everywhere is far away. And nowhere much further than the British Isles. It’s a loooooong trip. At least 3 flights for me. 2 of which roam into the realm of 12+ hours. Even without a decent layover on the way, it is 36 hours of travel. And, of course, it’s not cheap. But I have been blessed with the generosity of whanau and friends…

Will I be back? I certainly hope so. I love this part of the world. And I have found some truly magical spots tucked away here and there.

And of course! I get to meet a group of friends I made online during the pandemic, who share their recovery stories with mine. I will always remember that first trip; meeting all these “strangers’ for the first time. All these people my RL friends could not understand how I could meet “cold”

But, of course, the very nature of our online and zoom lives; mean that these folk, know me better than most. Those first meetings 2 ½ years ago, were definitely comfy slipper moments. Breakfasts; dinners; workshops; shopping; cups of tea; visits to famous places… and talking; so much talking

Each trip North has built on those links and friendships. We pick up conversations from where we left them off. In jokes and shit talking abound. It sounds blissful… and it is

But, as we all know, there are no constants in life – except change.

And as the world right itself from the pandemic, the need for zoom connections are dissipating. People are moving back to face-to-face groups, as they should.

The downside of living at the bottom of the world, is that for my form of recovery – there is not neat group to attach myself to. No fellowship that exists to fulfil my niche.

My friends aren’t leaving; but with the changes in ownership of some social media, and the inevitable reductions in zooms, I find myself having to change how I interact with people. And we all know how I hate change LOL

It’s also going to take more effort by me. The seamless banter that we had when we all had time over lockdown; has gone. My group was split with the demise of a cohesive twitter. We fled to other SM; but not the same ones; and the interfaces are not always as seamless. And some people have just left – the political climate in some places, means SM has just become a cesspool for them. I am sure none of them realise the gaps they have left for those who remain.

All of this is a consequence of me building most of my support network online.

But it is what it is.  I could wallow; rail against the unfairness of it all; or I could put to use, the things I have learned. Recovery isn’t delivered on a plate; connections only work if you input into them. I will miss that huge cushion of people I found in my early days. That amorphous mass of people suddenly needing to find their vital connections in the ether, when we were all isolated at home.

And I have found kindred spirits… People whose ethos, or sense of humour, or sense of the ridiculous, echoes mine

I have found my tribe.

I have found the best people

This trip I was blessed to be travelling with my hubby and eldest son. And just as I had met my friend’s family members on previous trips; this time they got to meet mine. My whanau and my friends got to meet the people who I surround myself with. And they hit it off – unsurprisingly really. They all have me in common lol

What next though? I have been reminded that you only need 2 people for a meeting. (by my smartarse friend)

I am confident in what I have learned over the last 5 years will hold me in strong stead. But I also know the importance of connection. Addictions and MH issues thrive in isolation. But it isn’t all just out there. I cannot be passive in all of this.

There is a Te Reo word “Mahi”. It means “doing the work; often the hard work”. I will have to continue to do Te Mahi. Keeping those connections alive; let those go that no longer work. Accepting, as I always do, that the Universe will unfold as it will; and I must trust the process…

So my online meetings are dwindling. But that isn’t the end. It just means I need to shift gear. I also need to be open to whatever connections appear closer to home…

And all while, I will save, to return to the North, where part of my heart lives….

Until then…. Mā te wā; until we meet again

Whāia te iti kahurangi ki te tūohu koe me he maunga teitei

Seek the treasure you value most dearly: if you bow your head, let it be to a lofty mountain