spirituality

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire;

so People cannot live without a spiritual life

-Buddha

Sometimes I think there are 2 sides to recovery – Abstinnce, be it substances or behaviours; and the search for spirituality. Both are correct. There is no right or wrong. I have found my recovery has been the pursuit of spirituality. Finding a way to live that keeps me well, keeps me connected, keeps me learning.

Spirituality is a way of life. It isn’t necessarily a flash of bliss or ecstasy; it isn’t a flash of zen. It can be, but for me, it is doing the things that bring me peace. Going to the places that connect me and ease my brain.

People confuse spirituality with religion. And there is definitely spirituality to be found in the following of faith. But it is not the only way. Spirituality can be found in some many places with so many actions.

It can be found in connecting with a power greater than ourselves. The infamous Higher Power of Recovery talk. Handing over control of one’s life to something bigger than ourselves; trusting that that HP has our best interests at heart; admitting that we are not the best judge of what we should be doing, or how we are reacting Can actually our lives easier. And it makes negotiating life’s challenges more manageable. Trusting the process.

 We can use meditation and breathing – finding the silence within. Regulating our breathing, regulates our heartbeat, regulates our mood. It can take don anxiety, ease physical pain, gives us a chance to not just react.

Many find it in nature, “feet touching the earth”. Connecting to places bigger than ourselves; places of peace. Centring our senses in places of wonder.

We find much spirituality in connection and in service to others. Being part of a collective; finding a place where we feel like we belong. Hearing our stories through other people’s perspectives; seeing others live our struggles; offering an ear, a hand. Telling our stories, so that person in the room understands they are not alone, that their lows are not terrible or stupid, or unique. My disease, and that of people suffering with addiction or MH problems, thrives in isolation. A lot of us suffer from imposter syndrome; poor self-esteem; lack or self-worth… All of these are eased with connection. Hearing people you learn to trust, say positive things about you, starts to neutralise the negative things you think about yourself.

Spirituality teaches us. We learn why we did what we did; why we chose what we chose. We learn how to pause, breathe, be grateful, to ask for help. To accept, to know that whatever today brings, tomorrow might be different. We learn grace – for others and ourselves. We learn to recognise the things that trigger our resentments. And we learn all the ways we can continue to grow.

Spirituality isn’t feeling good all the time, but it can be Being Good as much as you can. I find if I’m mean, or snarky, it just makes me feel bleugh and restless. Practicing restraint of word and pen (or keyboard lol) brings me way more than engaging with trolls, arguing, or doom scrolling. None of that will change the world, all of that will change me – to someone I don’t want to be any more.

It is living in the moment. We are Be-ings. When we just Be, when we pause, Be still, breathe, Be aware of our surroundings; Be listeners; Be witnesses… then spirituality finds us..

I had been couch bound for a while over the winter. And I wasn’t doing my spiritual work. I was struggling. But I knew that the physical limitations would pass. That if I ‘Chopped wood and Carried water’ for a bit, I would get to where I needed to Be.

Then last weekend I was away with friends, in one of the beautiful places in Aotearoa. I chose to drive the long way home. It added an hour and a half to my trip, and I worried about fatigue. But I went to 3 of my most spiritual places. I sat on the beach where the Mountains meet the sea; I leaned over the railing and watched the seals play, and then I walked at twilight, among the tall trees and Was. Immediately, things I had been pondering for ages, just clarified. I got the answers I had been searching for. I found Peace

As my understanding of spirituality grows, my life improves. As we work to be the best versions of ourselves, surely our communities improve. And that, my friends, can only be good…

Kia kaha

Kia maia

Kia Manawanui

Be strong

Be brave

Be steadfast