sensitive

“It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply.”

― David Jones

I have been told all my life that I am “too sensitive”. And it is safe to say that that phrase has affected me negatively. The silent implication that I’m somehow faulty, or less, or too much effort, because of my sensitivity.

Luckily in recent years, I have found more “too sensitive” souls… and I have observed and I have learned, that in this hardnosed, complicated world, we are also the magic ones…

We are the ones that remember your child’s birthday; the date your mother died; that dress you loved when you were 16

We are the ones who see you when you’re quiet; feel the sadness, that you think you’ve hidden; hear the story behind the tale.

We’re the ones who will sit with you; listen to you; leaving judgments at the door.

We are the ones who will know by the tone of the text that today has been hard.

We are the ones who send you cards, that arrive on the day you seem to need them the most

We are the ones who show you the beauty in nature, on the paths you walk every day, oblivious to the turning trees, the blossoms budding

We are the ones who will find the gift that you mentioned, in passing, 10 months ago

We remember how you take your tea; your favourite dish; the name of your first pet

We are the ones who create safe spaces wherever we rest

We are the ones who keep the photos, the stories, the children’s art. The lock of your hair; the things you made at school. The letters that you sent. The book that you recommended. The music that you love

We are the ones who Feel… every word, every action, every inaction. We Feel the collective fear around us when disasters happen; the joy of new life; the sorrow of impending goodbyes

We are the place that you feel safe to be You, to share your secrets. The safe place to dump your shit

We always have room, in our hearts, at our tables, in our thoughts, in our homes.

We save you a space, keeping it until you are ready to come on board.

We see you

We hear you

We are there when you need a hug

Most times you don’t even realise that we have been, and changed things around you

And we Feel all that you do and say to us. All the half stories, all the promises, all the forgotten thoughts. The careless jokes; the good intentions.

We Feel

The world tells us we are “too sensitive”; too soft; to easy; too weak.

But we are not…

We are strong – but not in a loud, bullying way, but in our consistency and our encouragement.

We are not soft – we choose understanding instead of judgement; we choose unconditional love over restrictions; we show acceptance instead of punishment

We are not easy – we choose to support until that support is no longer needed

We are not weak – we choose gentleness instead of harshness; we choose tranquillity over turmoil; we choose vulnerability over defensiveness

They are right through – the world is hard and can be cruel; it is exhausting to be “too sensitive”; it takes its toll. It has not surprised me to find so many “too sensitive” souls in Recovery. When you have had a lifetime of “Feeling too much”, it can break you.

But Recovery has shown us, it is OK to be “Too sensitive”. That the skills we have are important and necessary. It gives us the ability to still be all those things, and to stay well.

To learn to say No. To not be an endless sump for other’s insensitivity.

To walk away, when that really is the only solution.

We may well be “too sensitive”, but we are also Magic, in a world that needs more magic than ever….

He aroha whakatō, he aroha ka puta mai”

If kindness is sown, then kindness is what you shall receive.