growth

While I walk around my forests, I see signs of growth everywhere. From shoots, to leaves to saplings. Even on the, seemingly dead, branches on the forest floor, I see the lichen and moss growing. And those huge old, hundreds of years old, trees, that seemingly have reached the peak of their development, still put out fresh leaves at the tips of their branches, still growing, still developing. You can smell the growth in the air.

All living creatures grow, throughout their lives. How we grow, and in what direction may be random, or it may be manufactured. Food crops are fed, watered, monitored. Their growth highly organised. The weeds in my garden? Not so much order, mainly chaos, but even they have beauty to offer, resilience to be admired…

So how do we measure our own Growth. We’re very good at measuring height (and weight); scholastic achievements, promotions at work. Evaluating new skills learned. “Things” acquired – houses, cars, bank accounts. All modern measures of success (or failure).

But what about Spiritual Growth? The path that some of us have chosen to follow. How are these measured?

When I look at my last 6+ years I know that I have grown, almost more than the previous 50 odd years

Has it been linear? No

Has it been straightforward? No

Has it been easy? Occasionally, but more often than not, No.

Have I gone backwards occasionally? Absolutely!!

Growth is like a dance – the Cha Cha – 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Sometimes it’s a smooth waltz around the room. Other times it feels like I’m in a free fall backwards. Until I hit the point I know I don’t want to cross

Is it Growth that shows me when I am participating in my negative behaviours? Yes, I know when I am doing things that aren’t healthy; when I’m hiding behaviours, when I’m being secretive.

Is it never messing up? No! Because none of us are perfect.

Is it messing up, and then fixing it? Possibly. I am certainly better at that than I was before.

Is it knowing, beforehand, seeing the triggers and warning signs, and doing something about it? Yes! That to me, is the Ultimate Growth.

Growth has given me the ability to give myself and others Grace. Forgive us all our humanness.

Growth is asking for help

Growth is honesty. With others and me.

I know when I am hiding things. Behaviours, secrets. My addictions thrive in secrecy. Even hiding how I am feeling from others is a type of living in secrecy.

For me, growth has been reflected in building boundaries; keeping those boundaries and now, not feeling guilty about them.

It is forgiving myself for old behaviours and habits

It is stopping the negative self-talk, as soon as it starts.

So how do we measure our Spiritual Growth?

It is an intangible. We can’t measure it with a tape measure. It isn’t like our physical vital signs. There is no beats per minute, pounds or kilos. No “steps per day”

So how?

Do we measure it in how we view the world? Living by our truth? Love for others? A need for the truth?

Do we measure it in moments of clarity?

Do we measure it in how we feel? Are we still wracked with guilt, or do we accept our previous lives, atone for them and move on?

Are we better decision makers? No longer shooting from the hip; do we pause, consider, and then choose the best solution?

Are we still yearning a different type of life, or can we live with what we have?

Do we still have that negative voice in our head? Telling us we are not good enough, not enough? Or do we think we are pretty ok?

Do we treat ourselves as we would treat others in similar situations. Is Self-Love in our capacity?

Do we actively choose Self Care. Making time to heal ourselves, to eat well, to exercise, to Be still, to turn off the tv and the devices, to go to bed early?

I don’t think we are ever truly Spiritually “Complete”, like those tall trees, thee is always room to grow at our edges…. So growth is an ongoing endeavour. In spiritual recovery we commit to a life of learning and improvement. A constant thirst to be more, to be better, to keep searching for enlightenment.

How do I measure my growth?

It isn’t in being perfect. I chased perfection for years. I think it has been in accepting my glorious imperfections, and being ok with that

Each milestone I reach –

• Being able to meditate for more than a minute; being able to meditate at all!!
• Asking for help.
• Spotting my triggers and danger signs; pausing to consider a choice I am about to make.
• Practicing Selfcare

These things show me my Growth.

And It hasn’t been linear. There has been an awful lot of mucking around and shilly shallying.

But the pursuit of Peace, is now my goal.

And I can measure my progress by how I get those pockets of Peace, how long they last, and how I learn to get there again. Learning to sit and enjoy the serenity when it arrives

This is my measure of Growth.

Whakahouanga

Mate atu tētēkura, ka whakaeke mai he tētēkura

Renewal

As one frond perishes, another frond grows in its place