pause

The muse has been struggling of late – you may have noticed lol. Long covid has left me with the frustration of being unable to gather my thoughts and put them together coherently. Am hoping this is changing. Today I managed a semi blog for a FB post…. thought I would share it here

I was given pause for thought today

Time to reflect on life

Unbeknownst to most of you, just over 3 years ago I embarked on a Mental Health journey. I accidentally fell into Recovery. At the end of my capabilities to cope, I reached out to a stranger – and while I didn’t actually  ask for help. Help was given.

Most of you know how awful the preceding 10 or so years were for my whanau. Illness – everywhere; floods; multiple disasters. And through all of this I had kept going – I do come from staunch stock, lol. I thought I was burnt out. But 3 and a bit years later, I can use the words – I had depression.

I had stumbled into a group on Twitter of all places, of others in recovery. Some from addiction, some, like me, from mental health issues. All trying to rebuild lives, without the demons that haunted them.

I have often uttered the words “Hi, I’m Chris and I’m in Recovery”, at dozens of online meetings. But I seldom utter them in RL (Real Life). I am more wont to say, “I’m fine”. I feel no stigma in telling people. But some days I don’t feel strong enough to weather their reactions – from disbelief to sympathy to “here’s my story” – and that is ok. I know I don’t have to “be strong”, “accommodate others” “Do what I’m supposed to do” – I just need to keep doing the thing that works for me

This amazing group on Twitter called the Recovery Posse have taught me so much about life and living. Together we are there for each other. Living life One day at a time. It is not all serious tho – belly laughs are compulsory to recovery. And in January I am heading to Dublin, Belfast and London to meet up with some of them. Trust me you will hear the shrieking!! They have taken this wounded Kiwi into their hearts. And some of them I owe more to than they could ever imagine…

So, why am I telling you this? Today? Because I sat in a church and listened to eulogies for a very special woman. She was my age, and her passing has given me pause to think. She leaves behind the most amazing young woman, who we are so grateful to have in our lives. I am just sorry I didn’t make more of an effort to get to know her better

Time here is limited. We never know how long we have. I want to make sure that I tell everyone I have in my life, how important they are – leave nothing unsaid.

So, just for today, I am Chris, and I am in Recovery

Tēnā koutou

E hoa mā

Te taku I taku aroha katoa

Thank you, my friends,

Sending all my love

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