zen

I talk a lot, here, and in the rooms of recovery, about looking for pockets of peace; searching for serenity; seeking to still my mind. I think beyond everything else; this is my mission for recovery. If I have that stillness, then all my worrying behaviours are easier to manage

I would hate to think though, that because of what I write here and what I share or lead in meetings, that I have somehow found permanent inner tranquillity. That I am some inscrutable guru imparting endless wisdom, on How to Zen….

The reality is, that on most days I’m the same hot mess I always was. I still have self-doubts. Still question the whos and whys of who I am. I still make questionable decisions, still tussle with those addictions and behaviours that I have…

But now, I know some of the ways to manage myself, daily. Because it is a daily recovery. Ask anyone in addiction recovery, and they will all talk about One Day at a Time. I only have today to make things work for me. yesterday was a learning curve, tomorrow is classified – I don’t get to know its contents until it arrives…

We are currently living in uncertain times. (and to be quite honest, I am over the whole Interesting Times thing – give me some old boring, humdrum for a while). And I find myself struggling, daily, with finding those pockets of peace. My ability to catastrophise and overthink is having a field day at the moment. All the “what ifs?” and “Maybes”; and planning for all eventualities, are leaving me frazzled, anxious and short tempered.

So what do I do?

How do I choose to live these weird days?

Where do I find my resting pockets of peace?

I go back to basics……

All the other things that I write and speak about..

My other path to peace is Connection.. I have such good people in my recovery circle. Friends with long term recovery, who really do have wisdom to share. People and newcomers whose rawness and need to learn inspires me.

My group has started a weekly group meditation session. We zoom in, and meditate for 15 minutes in silence, together. Sending that peace out into the world. I have to be honest, for me, it is 15 minutes of really concentrating on stilling my mind, rather than achieving 15 minutes of peace… but maybe, maybe that is enough. If I can still my mind for 15 minutes, that means 15 mins less turmoil ‘out there’… multiply that by 5, 10, 20 people and just for a moment there is a pool of peace… I have found it quite powerful; and I’m sure given practice; I will put more serenity out there…

As I continue to put my faith in the Universe unfolding as it should; I find myself adapting to the new ways of life… food more expensive? Become more creative with less; turns out that means eating more healthily; my household stepping up and learning new cooking skills; sharing more Kai (food) moments. Fuel prices escalating? Becomes finding ways to amuse myself closer to home – painting being my current go to; but the gardening has also risen – growing more vegetables, making the place look prettier. Knitting more, planning my knits; creating more… (and maybe, just maybe, more time spent at home will force me to continue the De-clutter lol)

Unable to See friends? – becomes working harder on communicating online and by letter.

So, my HP, the Universe or whatever is guiding me, is teaching me to find Peace and serenity with less. And reminding me to daily count my blessings, in these most tedious of times. My life is rich, I am loved; I have a warm home; I have food on my table; I have skills to make others’ lives better… I am blessed..

And if I continue to look outwards, I will find that elusive Zen inwards….

Tōtika 

Mahia i runga i te rangimārie me te ngākau māhaki

Balance

With a peaceful mind and respectful heart, we will always get the best results