aware

I was chatting with a friend recently and they were venting about a relative and she ended with “he just lacks self-awareness! He can be so judgemental”

It made me think. How self-aware are any of us?

Do we really know how we come across?

Do all those rude, or judgy or callous people KNOW they are those things, or are they unaware? I’m pretty sure that some people DO choose to be the type of person, who truly does not care for others; but I remain in hope, that the majority are not choosing callousness and unkindness. They are just careless.

So how do we become aware of how we are perceived? And does it even matter? I know there is a theory that the only opinion of who we are that matters, is our own. And to some extent I agree. I cannot keep moulding myself to keep others happy. BUT I also don’t want to be seen as an inconsiderate arsehole lol… so how do we measure ourselves; how do we find our reflection in others?

We can run an internal programme….

I find, when I encounter behaviours that rub me up the wrong way; when I meet people who wind me up, I like to take a step back and think “Is there anything in their actions, that I can see myself doing?” None of us are perfect, we all have habits and behaviours that annoy people, upset people or just cause offence. By seeing what irks me in others, I can do a checklist of my behaviours… by seeing how other people treat others, I can check how I deal with people in similar situations. Do I snap at wait staff if they get my order wrong. Do I treat retail staff badly when I perceive they are mucking me around? Every time I encounter someone who “lacks self-awareness”, I can check if I am guilty of the same annoying habit. The quest for self-improvement continues.

We are of course all guilty of looking negatively at ourselves though. The bulk of us don’t treat hospitality and retail staff badly. Most of us don’t drive like road hogs. And most of us treat others with kindness and compassion. So the other self-awareness we need to seek is to see the good in ourselves. See the gold we all have. It is so easy to keep reflecting on our perceived faults while wholesale missing the best we are. If you have a circle of good people, chances are you, too, are a good person… So how to grow that positive self-awareness?

Of course, the simplest is listening, really listening, to those people we respect. Those who we know well enough to know that they are being honest and not just blowing smoke up our arses… If we have that internal voice that pulls us down, it is hard to trust what other people say about us. And of course, the counter to THAT, is “why would they lie?”.

If we are in an honest and open friendship, then just trust what they say. They may not call out your bullshit all the time, but hang out with the ones who do…

And when they say the positive stuff, when they  pay you the compliments; when they seek you out for company; invite you to share their lives… See that as the affirmation that you are better than who you might think you are….

People like to hang out with like minded people.

Most people don’t throw around empty compliments on a whim… so don’t shrug off the good stuff, accept it with the grace with which it is given; and become self-aware to your Gold….

Building self esteem takes work. It takes leaps of faith. It takes trusting the good people in your life. Let yourself become Aware of all the positive things you are… and let that be your self-teaching…

So None of us are truly self-aware of how we come across… but by Reflecting ourselves in others, both bad and good, we can at least gauge where we are shining, and what we may need to work on…

Keep surrounding yourself with the types of people that you aspire to be, and you will be halfway to becoming that person…

Taumuri

“Hurihia tō aroaro ki te rā, tukuna tō ataarangi ki muri i a koe.”

Philosophical

Turn your face to the sun and let your shadow fall behind you.