wait

Life is full of waiting rooms… places and times when we just have to wait, for the next bit.

Something catastrophic happens? We need to wait for help to arrive

Something exciting on the cards? We have to wait until it arrives

Some health concern? We need to wait for a diagnosis; wait for treatment to start; wait to feel better

Applied for a job; sat an exam; told someone you loved them? All waiting for a response

Waiting implies some powerlessness. Things that are beyond our control.

Waiting is hard

Waiting is tedious

How we wait defines our character

We all know the trope of the impatient traveller, bawling out some travel agent, because their day is not going to plan and they have to wait. We teach toddlers and small children the art of waiting – sadly for some adults, that lesson didn’t stick. We’ve all observed toddler tantrums from people long past toddling lol

So how to wait with style?

We call on those old favourites – patience, acceptance, handing over and meditation.

In these situations, nothing we can do will make the wait shorter. But our attitude will make it feel less onerous.

Waiting for News, either good or bad leaves us feeling distracted and anxious. How do we assuage those feelings? The same toddler trick we used with the young – distraction. These days its invariably on our phones – those distraction masters at our fingertips. But we can, and should find other distractions. A walk. A snack. A chat with a friend – restlessness hates company. Reading, hobbying, doing something off the “to do” list – practical and distracting lol.

Certainly not pacing or overthinking – yes, I know, easier said than done. As a world champion overthinker, I can cover 20 scenarios, before I’ve even had a drop of what any of these scenarios might hold. What an utter waste of my energy. But baby steps… lol

For those of us who believe in a higher power, or that the universe is unfolding as it should – good or bad – then we do have the ability to step back and just wait. I handed over so many of my worst habits, I admitted I was not to be trusted with some of my behaviours, so now, waiting for news, I can see the benefit in trusting the process. Even the worst news. Prior to receiving it, nothing I was going to think or do, was going to change that. Rather, distracting, or meditating, or just sitting in peace, rests me, prepares me for what ever struggle I need to overcome. Giving myself the gift of stillness, before I need to respond. Clearing my mind, so the response is measured and not on the fly…

But there is another wait that weighs heavy. When we see someone we love struggling. And we have to wait for them to be ready to receive any help we might be. Might being the operative word…

When friends have had awful things happen; or life has just sucked for them, old me would swoop in and try to “fix’ everything for them. I had ALL the answers, I could make everything better.. except, of course, I didn’t and couldn’t.

Just like we need to prepare the ground for planting, we need to wait for our loved ones to get to a place where they can use our support. In RL, I have a lot of people ask me how to help a friend they know, who is struggling with either addiction or MH. And the answer, is wait. Let them know you are there and then wait. Wait until they get to a place where they are open to hearing what you have to offer… and that, is one of the hardest waits there is. Especially, as we know, not everyone survives the wait.

Addiction and MH disease are cruel. They take no prisoners. And their needs are unrelenting. And for those of us watching loved ones in the midst of it, it is heartbreaking. We just want them to be free and well… the wait is awful.

What to do while we wait? Show them that we are there; show them that we are a safe space. This is why I “recover out loud”; my story might just resonate enough, that they put their hand out.

And while we wait, we need to remember that this is their story. Not ours. They have choices, and lives that aren’t ours to dictate. We have all been put off by unsolicited and unwelcome advice. By resisting the urge to barrel in, we better our chances of being asked, when they get to the point that they are ready…

Just as we needed to be ready to accept help, we need to respect that in others. And just like waiting for a pot to boil, or news or the train to arrive, filling our time in a positive way makes that wait easier…

So, from my current waiting room, I hope that whatever you are waiting for, goes your way, and in your favour.. .

E timu noa te tai.

The tide ebbs without effort.