regret

When you lose someone, especially if it is unexpected; there are regrets. Things I should’ve said, done, listened, remembered; been more, been less… things we wish we had had more time to do; more experiences to share.

It is impossible to live without regrets. We all do things; have done things, that we wish we hadn’t. Made choices that didn’t pan out; said things that we wish hadn’t leapt from our mouths. Ignored messages, felt coy about signs we had seen, maybe choosing our own comfort, over uncomfortable conversations.

Whatever these things are, they are part of life. Part of being human.

So how do we handle regrets?

We can, and do, mourn the loss of missed opportunities. But we shouldn’t become mired in them. In life, shit happens. We all do and say and Be things, we wished we weren’t. But we cannot let those things define us. Rather, we can use them to grow. Yes, more of my favourite AFGOs. (Another F#*king Growth Opportunities). We AREN’T the things we mucked up. We ARE what we do afterwards.

Shouted something in the heat of the moment? Then learn to pause, so those hurtful words don’t appear, as often.

Missed an opportunity that would’ve been awesome? Learn to try to prioritize what’s important in our lives, so next time, we can grab that chance.

Seen someone struggling and been too uncomfortable to say anything? Put yourself in their position and work out what you would like to hear… Chat to someone who you respect, ask them how they would handle it.

Missed a message; missed a friend? Work out your phone priorities. Give yourself time in a day to get back in touch.

Look at how you live, and why. There is so much pressure to be and live a certain way with certain things. Step back, work out what gives you joy and peace.. pursue those things.  Hang out with people who feed your soul. Cut out the things that drain you, that empty your Kete (basket).

Once you feel more Whole, it is easier to be and say the things that you value. It’s so hard to be careful with word and action, when you are living life at 100 kmph, without time to breathe, without time to take care.

Find your tribe. You will never regret time spent with people who get you; whose values align with yours. You will do less that you may regret later, if you are with folk who get the very best out of you.

AND Tell those whom you Love that you do.

Frequently

Often

Randomly

Unexpectedly

Leave them never wondering if they knew how important they were in your life. There are never too many “I love yous” in a good friendship.

Tell them why. Tell them how. Compliment them. Support them. Build them up. Hold their hair back when they throw up; console them when they are dumped; provide for them when they are in need; comfort them when they grieve; care for them when they are sick; be a safe space for them. Just Be for them.

These things will leave you with way less regrets.

My mum is currently staying. It’s been a much longer visit than anticipated. She had some bad luck, and so she’s hunkered down here for a wee bit longer. I was thinking the other day, that old me, before Recovery would’ve been full of resentments (regret’s complicated cousin); I would be annoyed that I have to fit her into my life when I hadn’t planned on it. That I had yet another person to care for…. But I flipped it. How special to have time with her, that isn’t backdropped with the chaos of Christmas, or some other whanau event. To just have Time, with her. Yes, we have time on the road, when we travel, which is special, but it is busy. At the moment, we aren’t Busy. We are certainly doing stuff – knitting, sorting photos from our trip, reminiscing; but we are time rich.

Reframing something that could cause a resentment, will certainly leave less cause for regret later.

I am living these days, knowing this is the best thing I can be doing right now. The other things in my life, will happen; just not on my timetable… once more I am trusting the Universe to provide what we need…

So, looking back on, my life, what do I do with those regrets I have? Just Accept them. Life happened and I responded. All those things I regret, have shaped me to who I am today. I certainly cannot change any of them now. I can make amends for the hurts I have caused; I can learn to live as a better person. I can be wiser. (regret’s unexpected outcome). If we learn from our mistakes – does not take the sting out of the regret?

A couple of years ago, I lost so many friends in such a short space of time… My No1 regret with all of them was unfinished conversations; and did they really know what they meant to me? So now I have those conversations; I tell people that they are important. I do things for them, around them and with them.. I try to have those uncomfortable conversations. I try to leave nothing out there…

I am now trying to live my life in a way that I hope means I will regret less… I live More, because I don’t want to get to the end, and regret the things I could’ve done, things that I missed, words that I didn’t say…

I live

I learn

I love…..

Whāia te iti kahurangi, ki te tūohu koe, me he maunga teitei   

Seek the treasure you value most dearly; if you bow, let it be to a lofty mountain.