avatar

In the world of social media, the first impression most people have of us, is our Avi, our avatar, the picture we put on our profile. For most people it is a favourite photo of us, or an object or scene that resonates with us. For others, it’s a meme, that sums us up. And for another group – including me – it’s a picture version of us. I am blessed that my Avi is a beautiful graphic that my daughter created for me, that speaks of where I am at this moment in my life. I’ve always had a connection with the medieval and beyond, I love the thought of a mysterious women, caped, sword in hand… fanciful, I know. But the world of Soc media allows us flights of fancy and to present whichever version of us we want to….

But what of real life? How we present ourselves. What we wear, how we speak, where we live, how we live; the music we listen to, the food we eat, the journeys we take. These all tell our story to the outside world. As a teen I presented whichever version of me I thought would gain me entry into whichever group I thought I needed to be part of. From the dark, pre-goth Heavy Metal years; to the Op-shop coat era; to the Stevie Nicks era of long skirts and messy hair… the short skirts and highest of heels, the disco tinsel and the big, hooped earrings, fluorescent eye makeup, and cobalt blue mascara.. I’ve even dabbled in the preppy look – possibly, the least like Me look, I ever tried…

These days however, now that I’ve found comfort in my own skin; I am to be found in a wide selection of jeans from shorts in the summer to bootlegs in the winter and every length in between. My huge selection of shoes over the years have been narrowed down to jandals (thongs, flip-flops depending on where you hail from), several pairs of sneakers, and boots. Boots of all lengths and heights… one of the only reasons I rejoice in the cooler weather – I can break out the boots! Lol….

My hair has gone from long but permanently tied back in my childhood; to shorter, longer, shorter, blonde, blonde with red, red, brown (a sad era) blonde straight with purple and copper streaks; blonde curls – when I could no longer be pfaffed straightening it every day.. to its current chaos. Blonde, curly and the most control I’ve had – without looking like I’ve done anything at all….

I still lean towards a hankering for the Stevie Nicks look, but generally end up back in trousers, and a long jacket or coat…

Finally finding My Look after a lifetime of trying out everyone else’s has been a revelation. I wonder if everyone travels this journey.

My music tastes, ever eclectic, no longer are chosen to impress anyone, but myself. I find peace in my tunes – I have music for every mood. And if someone perused my play list, they would wonder who placed all those genres together…

How we appear on the outside, tells people something of what we are on the inside, but only partly. All those years of experimentation and trying to fit in, by looking a certain way, may not have truthfully told my story.

People judge us on how we look. I wish it weren’t true. But maybe its human nature to look, and decide where in the world we fit? We see the young, slavishly following the current trends, but trying to be an Individual. We see goths, punks, rockers and assume we know the person inside. We see the almost invisible older women, who have chosen comfort, after years of following trends, and sometimes dismiss them as “has beens” – but I know, beneath all that comfort lies the heart of a woman who has finally chosen herself.

We see people, well dressed – men in suits; women in the latest fashions and assume they are “put together” and confident in their lives. Maybe we respect them automatically – but I know that often, beneath that smooth exterior, lies someone who is full of self-doubt, using their clothing as an armour. I have also met the most outrageous women who have dressed the most conservatively…

Clothing is merely a skin covering. For “modesty” lol – I am sure many people look askance and how little some people wear and wonder at their modesty levels 😉. But we wear clothes for protection from the elements and as a form of self-expression…

How we choose to present ourselves to the world, is often more about what Is going on in the inside, than we care to admit. All those rebellious young people dressed as goths, or punks, or rockers or grunge, from my younger years. They were just trying to break out of convention. Similar to the hippies and bra burners of the 60s and 70s; just trying to be different from what is expected. To be different from the generations that came before, the generations we thought had really stuffed up and had no idea what it was like to be Us.

When our work or school demands we dress in a certain way; it can crush our individuality. And maybe that’s the point. I was a fan of school uniforms – until I had children. The ‘rules’ around uniforms, suddenly seemed petty and pointless. Discussions about hair colour and length felt senseless. How you look, does not impact on how you learn. Your hair colour does not make you smarter or duller. All the calls of not representing the school correctly, made me wonder why education isn’t being about just learning and nurturing, and is more about control and coercion.

Certain jobs have uniforms – so their staff can be immediately recognisable. Ambulances, fire crews; doctors, nurses, police. I am so pleased we are moving away from the almost military bearing of the old days, to clothes that are practical. I can remember doing nursing duty as St John Ambulance cadet in the 70s and 80s; and having to wear a tight uniform dress, puffy cuffs and a starched cap… how useless when bending over to help someone out of a chair; or helping wash a newborn bubba? Today’s hospital garb, so much more sensible – and those staff have lost none of their “authority” or mana – they have become more approachable; more comfortable; more able to spring into action when an emergency hits. Oh and the shoes?? No more polished black or white shoes with a heel; more sneakers and crocs. Practical, washable, easy on your feet…Hi-Viz clothing means we can see people who are trying to help. Logos and emblems, tell us how they will help – instead of trying to decipher which service they belong to.

Our real life Avatar also includes how we speak and what we do. Which persona do we present? How close to the real us do we reveal? Years into recovery, I think now, I present more of Me than I have before. My age seems to have given me a resilience that I no longer care if I impress or am liked. This is Me. Love Me. Loathe Me? That is someone else’s choice. Being true to myself is mine.

So Like My Soc Media Avi; I like to think the years have given me the wisdom of a mystic woman. My old avi had me in a suit of armour – constantly on guard; protecting my softness. But today, I wear my softness as a badge. In this world of harshness, judgement and some “interesting times’, I think people of softness are more needed than ever. My sword, still at the ready, not to protect me, but to fight for all those people who cannot fight for themselves. I have learned from the very best of women, what it is important to fight for. And who needs our collective protection…

And in the last few years, I have begun to celebrate my creative side. That part that I struggled to share, because I never thought what I did was good enough. But now, I know some of what I produce is very good. Some isn’t, but perfection is no longer my aim. Expressing myself is..

So how do you decide how to present yourself to the world? What does your soc media and Real life Avatar tells us about you?

E koekoe te tūī, e ketekete te kākā, e kūkū te kererū

The tūī chatters, the kākā cackles, the kererū coos.