day

The muse has been a bit quiet this week. For the first time in ages, this blog is late. I could put it down to life being very busy over the last couple of weeks. Much going on at home; a visit from my boy and his girl; some diagnoses for my housemates and a weekend of sad anniversaries. Or maybe, nothing “lightening like” hit me, to write about.

But I have tried to blog weekly, to keep me in the habit of writing and sharing.

So maybe the muse just wanted me to sit with everything, without a huge revelation or over thought process…

This week, I did share at a couple of meetings a reading from one of my daily meditation books that instead of living in yesterday’s memories and planning the shit out of tomorrow, we should just be present in today.

A version, I suppose of ODAAT (one day at a time), that oft used recovery phrase. In early recovery I took it to mean that whatever today is, tomorrow will be different. On a bad day, knowing I just needed to get to the end of the 24 hours ahead of me, was sometimes the thing that got me to tomorrow… but there is more to ODAAT than that.

There is the living in the moment. Learning to enjoy the good times; live in them; store all that joy; notice everything around you. Instead of thinking about the next thing on the calendar; just Being.

My son and daughter in law came down to visit, because she was being admitted to the Bar, after completing her law degree. She chose to come home, so we could all witness it, and my husband could Move her (formally introduce her to the Law Society). It was a beautiful ceremony. A lot less stuffy than I had imagined. Yes, there were procedures and pomp – we are an offspring of the British Justice system after all… but there was a kindness and gentleness I wasn’t expecting. It was all inclusive, everyone made to feel welcome.

And, as I sat in the gallery watching, I was struck by the visual of my hubby, greying, coming to the end of his law career, sitting next to my beautiful, vivacious daughter in law, setting off on her career. A feeling of the baton being passed.

He practiced in a different time. The law changes to accommodate changes in society (hopefully, anyway); but his love of the law, as with all the other moving counsel, and the High Court Judge presiding was palpable. My hope is, that all these newly coined young lawyers will serve the law well and bring their own spin to its evolution.

It was a day of success, and joy. We finished with a whanau dinner at home – because breaking bread to celebrate is what we do here.

It was a day to remember. The sights, the sounds, the laughter and yes, even my inevitable tears lol.

I Lived in the entire day. Putting all the other distractions away for the day.

When the kids were small I used to consciously “make memories”. A much maligned term, but so important. When they are older, or even now, they recall those good times we had. Being in the moment with them and trying to not be distracted by the whole minutiae of child rearing, pays off now. They have shared experiences. We have shared experiences. Those memories will tie us close as the years pass…

As the week closed it was also the anniversaries of the passing of 2 of my dear friends. Those awful days 3 years ago, seem just like last week. The pain, not as raw, but still there, under the surface. The grief, never far away. So for those days, like the day of joy, I sat and Was. Remembering the good times, the conversations, the laughs, the shared history. Finding gratitude for their lives entwined with mine. Actively grieving our loss. Because grief doesn’t dissipate if you ignore it. Finding joy in recalling the times we had. And, as always, wondering of they realised the impact that they made?

Today I started with an early morning zoom with some of my best recovery folk. Some who have been with me since the beginning, a couple that have arrived on the way… they all give me something of themselves, and I hope that I reciprocate. We all acknowledged that recovery has given us some extraordinary gifts, but the “Keeping it in the day” is one of the pearlers. It keeps us from catastrophizing; it keeps us from getting too far ahead of ourselves… it reminds us to find a daily gratitude. To live in the moment; finding the good stuff we all have.

And in a few days I head back south to Christchurch, to watch my beloved All Blacks play their first test in the brand new stadium, built in my second city, after her devastating earthquakes 15 years ago. It is a HUGE milestone in the city’s recovery. And I will just sit in the moment and savour it. Not taking any of it for granted. One of my friends will definitely be there in spirit. He was so excited by the prospect of a new stadium; and he loved his rugby. We will carry him with us for the night….

So ODAAT can mean just working and waiting each day; healing; hoping; existing even; but it is so much more than that…. Real living is ODAAT, sucking everything good you can find in your day; so you can survive those days that feel lacking….

Ahhhhh… maybe my muse was sitting there all along… 😉

Taketake

Kia mau ki te aka matua

kei mau ki te aka tāepa

Grounded

Hold the Vine rooted in the ground

not the vine hanging from the heavens