Last week was Mum’s 89th birthday. My brothers and I surprised her with a visit to her and my sister, for the day. We had a lovely impromptu lunch with all my siblings and Mum. Lots of laughs, lots of chit chat; and a photo reel of mum’s life…
Inevitably we talked about past friends. “What ever happened to…..?” “Do you remember…..?”. Names and faces long forgotten. Events we shared, friends we moved on from, family long since passed. There is a special collective memory when you gather for a whanau event. We have all shared in things that happened when we were young and lived in closer proximity.
We failed to locate 1 person. The internet these days, so useful to find long lost friends, was not help…. But I have a lead…. Lol
Later in the week, Mum and I spent a hilarious morning, trying to remember the names of a large family a cousin married into. A family of 11 siblings, (one of whom married into a family of 13!), it makes my whanau feel quite contained in comparison, there were names we just couldn’t pinpoint. So She pulled out an old photo album, with the hopes that a picture or 2 might jog out memories..
And it did. All siblings accounted for. And some spouses; and some of their kids. A morning where her and I also shared memories of our hometown. We did some recalling where different shops stood. Where that nightclub was that I went to on trips home from University. And that original wool shop with shelves of wool that rose to the very ceiling – the shop that no doubt sparked my love of yarn…
The photos tho? They sparked something different. Family events from my teen years. Forgotten faces; friends I hadn’t thought of in years. Old boy friends – Mum seems to have photos of more of them than I do 😊…. People, teen age me thought I would be friends with for life – such is the optimism of the teenager. That tall boy, that Mum liked, that I cannot remember why we broke up. 13 year old love, so intense. The friend that I spent hours with who moved to Australia, and with whom I lost touch. The cute young man I dumped. The only one I ever did that too. I wonder if he ever thinks of me?
I saw a different perspective of myself in those photos. I remember how I felt then. How, even then, I thought differently of myself. I wish, I wish, I could go back and tell her, that she was fabulous! I saw a slim, young, funny, smart girl. All those things I never felt… and therein lies the sadness. Where would I have ended up, had I known all those things then? I don’t like to play the What If game. It is pointless. I do not know where I would be, if things had been different. I cannot say if it would be better or worse than where I have ended up… but I do wish that she had had a better view of herself. It might have led her on a different path. It would certainly have saved her from half a lifetime of living with the Bitch Troll in her head.
But, She had resilience, and She got me to here; where I am today. Accomplished, still smart, still funny; not quite so young, but certainly wiser. And She brought that huge heart along with her.
Maybe we all have conversations we wish we could have with younger Us. Maybe we all need to just travel the road we are set on. We eventually get to where we are meant to be. Good, bad, hard, easy… But I wish I could go back, and tell her it would all be ok, in the end…
So a week of trips down Memory Lane. It certainly gave me much to think about. Much to smile about. A week where I caught up with the friend I have had for 50+ years, and had a cosy afternoon of tea and gossip.. That is a taonga (treasure) I take so much joy in…
So, to the wee boy, who I broke it off with – I am so sorry. And, to the boyfriend who threw me over for that skinny girl, and who is now rumoured to be a millionaire – Good Luck to you. Chucking me, was your loss, not mine 😉
Heres to the Memory lane that brings us insight and eventual peace…
“Kō ngā tahu ā ō tapuwai inanahi, hei tauira mō āpōpō”
Let the footprints of yesterday guide the path for tomorrow.
