watch

I’ve always been a people watcher. Park me in an airport, or coffee shop and I am happy to observe the human condition play out in front of me.

We are never alone, and while we may be sitting solo, the whole gamut of what it is to be human plays out around us. The ‘invisibility cloak” of being a middle aged woman, serves me well… Nobody notices me, quietly sitting there, just observing

At airports, especially, we see people’s lives in a snapshot. Couples, families, business travellers; excited young people off to see the world. Older people setting off for their trip of a lifetime. People leaving, people coming Home… all played out, in front of us.

City life plays out every day people dong everyday things. Maybe we construct a story around what we see. Maybe we smile at the sheer exuberance of the young. We turn away from the intimacies of the newly in love…. We fret for the frazzled; we warm to the kid smiles; we admire the fashionistas; we silently encourage the young parents guiding the next generation though their first social outings. While I observe the world… and in my interactions with strangers, I always try to leave with a smile, a kind word, a compliment. It is not on me to make someone else’s day worse.. the people whos jobs it is to serve – hospitality, retail, cleaning… they all deserve our respect. Minimum wage needs to have some added bonus each day.

I like to observe

And now my mind is quieter, I like to use those habits to watch people around me. I see the habits, the small joys the conflicts, the resolutions. Knowing that there is nothing to be gained by involving myself. I just sit and watch. Hopefully not in judgement. But maybe in empathy

Observation gives me the ability to give grace. It hones the tools of patience and of pausing. It isn’t my role to advise anyone how to behave, except myself. But I can model how I should behave on what I see and how it affects others.

Quiet observation shows me the faces people carry. The masks we all wear depending on our audience. Which version will they be today? Which version am I today?

It leads to acceptance. Not necessarily of behaviour that harms, but of the person beneath the behaviour.

It helps me build my boundaries, maintain them, reassess them.

A repeated behaviour just indicates nature. Good, bad, controlling, generous, kind, mean, gentle, harsh or benevolent. Generosity of nature and spirit does not always come with loud donations; but often with a word or an inclusion.

Listen to someone long enough, and you see what really lies below, and how they align with you and your values.

Not every action calls for a reaction. You don’t have to attend every conflict you are invited to.

We all suffer from humanness. None of us are perfect. We all use shields, masks, portrayals of the version of ourselves that we wish others to see… Even that quiet middle-aged woman in the corner of the coffee shop lol

I have found that as I age, who I wish to spend my time with is becoming more and more select. I have chosen a life in the pursuit of peace. I try to surround myself with kindred souls. People who believe as I do. Not about politics or world events; but those who choose kindness as their core; who choose acceptance and inclusion. Who sees people’s similarities, not our differences. The old adage of always being polite does not hold with me. Respect is earned, not entitled. Rudeness or carelessness does not get the gift of tolerance.

My circle is smaller. But that’s ok. It would be so pointless to be doing all this work, if I lost my peace in circles where that peace isn’t honoured,

I can agree to disagree. It is not on me to tell anyone else how to live. But I can also choose to limit my contact and energy to people whose ethos echoes mine. I can choose how I spend my energy dollars; where I choose to spend my time; what battles I sign up for; what conflicts I walk away from… a lifetime of people pleasing and accommodating everyone’s needs is distilling down to a few who fill my kete as I fill theirs…

And the quieter I get, the more I notice; the more I move towards the people that hear my voice; the more am heard…..

“Ma te whakarongo, ka mohio.

Ma te mohio, ka marama.

Ma te marama, ka matau.

Ma te matau, ka ora.”

“Through listening comes knowledge.

Through knowledge comes understanding.

Through understanding comes wisdom.

Through wisdom comes wellbeing.”